Falling Prey To The Hydra

What separates the average bloke from the steely eyed Special Forces operator is not much but it is that little something that can’t be measured. The reason I bring this up is that yesterday I came face to face with disappointment and I could not understand it. Let me start from the beginning I was people much excited to get outside and build upon my success from the day before the workout consisted of five minute walk, a one minute run, followed up by another five minute walk. I figured since the weather outside was sunny I was going to go along with the goodness of the training routine. I went out did my stretches and set my timer on the iPod to eleven minutes and I began my walking I wanted to set a nice little tempo that wasn’t going to burn out the shins too early in the routine. I have noticed how quickly five minutes goes while you are within a rhythm; the feet tapping out time and tune of my FIFA Soundtrack mix keeping me within the nice frame of mind. This is when the meltdown started to happen and I couldn’t figure it out for the life of me. I went to go into a jog to begin a one minute run and I started down the front part of the circuit and my legs were eager to go but that darn lack of stamina raised its ugly head like a hydra and it snatched whatever good feelings I have from the yesterday and flushed them straight down the toilet. How can this be? I was on top of the freakin’ world and to have the crap happen to me was just a nightmare. I tried to keep a pace that wouldn’t have me sucking air like a vacuum cleaner gone crazy, and then something else happened. I began to have a slight pain in my right knee and my gait changed rapidly as if someone shot me in my right leg. I slowed down and I knew my workout was ruined I rolled my eyes in disgust and tried to power walk however the heart was not in it. I saw this as Reality 3, Dan 1. I stared down the back stretch of the circuit and I wanted to challenge myself and I wanted to do a nonstop jog no matter flaming lungs, gimpy knee, or stamina that make a sloth look like a superman to the green pole. I had to see where the heck I with my fitness was truly. Setting off I motored … halfway down the back stretch my lung were begging for relief but I was not going to answer than call. The knee were hollowing like a lonely dog left outside in the rain but I determined to say screw you I have to know what the truth really was; then someone else decided to join the party … my lower back. Needless to say through all of these adversities I was just shy of the pole. I stood before that pole irked to no end. I should have made it; there was no excuse for not making it. I knew I should push myself harder just a couple more strides to cross that line, however I didn’t. For the first time since I began more training to become a fit individual; realized that I didn’t give it my all. I am saying to everyone right now I did not give it my all. It is easy to say your back was hurting you. Your knee was hurting you. You are new at this; it takes time to build up your stamina. Yes those are answers that would be an easy crutch yet I knew deep within the real reason; I just didn’t have it. I ripped the ear buds from my ears and I began to walk home focused on my disappointment. Focused on stopping short of the pole; not pushing myself then more ten more feet to cross that barrier. I saw this as a failure of me not pushing myself to be better. I walk with my head down looking at the concrete and I found myself at the back of my apartment building; I open the door and looked at the stairs. I figured that since I live on the sixth floor of the building and I came in via the sublevel I figured that was seven flights to the apartment. I loaded up a song that I have grown to love (Born to Run by K-OS) and then I took off up those stairs. The main floor came and went then came the first, second, third, and fourth (right now the lactic acid was burning and I didn’t truly care). Deep within me the anger of just falling short drove me further. I gutted out the fifth and sixth on shear will alone. As I opened the door to my apartment I struggled to get my breathing under control and the legs were just shot to heck. I had to tell myself to relax as I went to sit down in the chair. As I sat there the anger began to go away as the steady hum of the air conditioner brought cool air towards me. I reflected upon what just happened as I looked at the iPod which had received the information from the sensor and I was stunned by how fast I tore up the stairs and how the legs recovered more quickly then I thought. I saw that I ran up seven flights of stairs in 53 seconds.
Through the fires of anger and the bitter taste of disappointment, clarity brought its gift of realization. I realized that through the combination of road work and stair work I could get my stamina up to the point where I could be happy with it. To answer the question what if the answer that I asked in the beginning what is the difference between the average bloke and a Special Force operator is that they overcome the challenges before them and look forward to others to come. I know that there will be more days like this however I will always remember and put into practice the Navy SEALs motto that is use during BUDS training … The Only Easy Day Was Yesterday. I never knew what that meant until now.

24 June 2008
Distance: 0.68 miles
Time: 11:09
Pace: 16:12 min / mile

Unexpected Surprises in Grey

Oh come the dawn on a cloudy day. I felt this morning was going to be a drag because it was cloudy out and there was no way in heck I wanted to go out there. Come on I know some of you felt that when the bed is oh so comfortable and you truly don’t want to answer the gong. This not to say that I wasn’t full of vim and vigor it was the fact it was just nasty out. Ok here were the facts that greeted me this morning when I woke the temperature outside was 78 degrees Fahrenheit with the humidity at 92 percent. Don’t you like the fact that the Weather Channel gives you all of this information if you are trying to send a rocket ship into outer space? I don’t know about you but my air conditioned environment was seemed to me to be the place to be. Just imagine the siren song of the humming air conditioner when it is muggy out there. There is a saying that a coward dies a thousand deaths but a hero only dies once; well this was put up of shut up, no more excuses, no one to call you to ask if you were coming out to run. I went through the pre-run checklist: keys on lanyard … check; photo I.D. in the sneaker … check; iPod Nano with sensor and receiver … check. I went out into my hallway of my apartment and you could feel a wave of humid air just hit you all over your body and I thought that this was crazy, however I have my training schedule and I was going to stick with it. I have always heard that runner love overcast days and I for the life of me couldn’t understand this. For me as a newbie runner I saw cloudy days as a reason to sleep late. The legs still felt a hit heavy but I began my stretches the air felt cool. At that time I had one of the eyebrows raising moments and I felt that this was going to be a good day. I programmed the iPod for 15 minutes and began my power walking. Worn red Nike Shox+ began tapping a fast tempo as my hazel eyes focused forward never looking down. I was just in my own world and the fact that it was cloudy and humid out there didn’t bother me at that point I was doing my walk and liking the moment that was until … the countdown began. For those out there that doesn’t have the Nike Sport Running System teamed up with your Nano you will receive a countdown when you programmed in the number of minutes you want to run. Foolish me I didn’t know this, to tell you the truth I was frankly amazed at this fact until it reached the minute mark. My form power walking form began breaking down like a blue Ford Fairmont with no oil in the engine. Four minutes to go my shins were beginning to tighten up and burn. Three minutes and counting the lactic acid is coursing through my calves lighting my world on fire. From there the final two minutes I reached down deep and I was determined beyond something I have every felt before to make this my Col du Galibier. I was going to gut out these minutes without stopping. Eyes focused forward, always forward not looking down. I have always been taught in cycling when you start looking down at you pedals or down at the grown you are defeated. I was determined not to allow that to happen to me again because for the past two days I have been doing that. I was able to bang out mile without stopping; I was truly pumped by this accomplishment. I sat down on the bench and I began to stretch out my shins to workout the cramps. As I sat there I realized I wasn’t tired what so ever I decided to do a cool down and I switch to those Benedictine Monks and I began to do a five minute cool down and as I began to walk slowly it began to drizzle and I didn’t want to stop. Needless to say I continued, after a couple of minutes the drizzling stopped. As the monks chanted out Rorate Cali Desuper Mode I, Invitational Antiphon. Christus Natus Est Nobis and Psalm 94, 1-2. Mode IV, Kyrie II Mode III, Gloria VIII Mode V, Sanctus VIII Mode VI. I still wasn’t tired; I was satisfied with the workout for the time since started this enterprise. It is interesting to me that with a day starting out so gloomy and filled with on a shred of promise it came out to be one of the best days I had exercising. I found it to be an epiphany because as a mystery is slow unpacked for us to understand we enter a brave new world filled with new challenges to explore and to over come. How wondrous are the feet that tap out in a rhythmic time? How great is the day that is brought to us as the cloud cover the sun? For the first time I can say as a budding runner, pretty darn good.

 

23 June, 2008

Distance: 1.78 miles

Time: 32:23

Pace: 18:07 min / mille

Black Sabbath and the Case of the Shutter Blinks

Shutter blinks and the fight with one’s self to get out of bed, that is what I was faced with this morning. Don’t get me wrong I was not dipping and dodging the fight that laid ahead but I was just trying to figure out what I could do to make this experience a more fruitful one instead of diving in the pits of pain and panic. Once again the phone rang and it was my eldest brother sounding chipper, it is funny when people sound this way it means one of two things. They are having the time of there lives out there because they are reaching a new plateau of inner self discovery and they want you to join them on the ride; or they want you get your behind out bed and experience the fire breathing pain of lactic acid burn within your limbs (feel the burn!). I have to be honest the first foray into the land of exercise and getting one non existing conditioning up to the point where it can be consider conditioning was a pain event. Needless to say that Motrin was my friend last night because the quads has that “I am going to remind you of what you have done to me feeling within them.” Now back to the regular schedule program, the legs were a little heavy in feeling but the mind was willing because this time I had a plan. For those that don’t know me I have to give you my views on plans, “No well conceived plan will survive first contact with the enemy because once the fur starts flying the survival instincts kick in. Basically a dog eats dog type of thing.” Wait before I go on with my tale of my running I have to give you another example of why plans are almost D.O.A. when smacked in the face by reality. There are some people out there well meaning that would love to have a natural child birth no drugs and things of the like, they come in with a “birthing plan” (please note the word “plan”). In this plan it states that they don’t want any painkilling drugs they want to go at this “Ol’ Naturale” but went that first labor pain hit they are deep within the furball of, “What the heck was I think?!” this example comes from my finance who works in a hospital. Now that I gave you these examples I can now tell you that I went to the Nike+ website and set up a training schedule for myself. I figure that if I was truly going to screw up I figure I better have a plan that can help bring order to chaos and take the macho I am the superman thoughts out of my head. Oh yeah their were several things that I left out of the pervious post that I have to mention here because it shows that even the most organized person can suffer from a brain cramp. When I went diving into the abyss yesterday I chose workout clothing that didn’t have any pockets, can you believe it! Needless to say I carried my keys and my iPod in my hands and my ID was stuffed in my socks and it creped out of my socks as I ran around the track. Being the genius this time I grabbed a lanyard to have my keys around my neck as I have and this time I have my ID within my shoe (I can be taught). I kept a mental note of the training schedule 5 minute walk, 1 minute run and then follow it up with another 5 minute walk. I stretch out the limbs for this gaunt around the track. I watched as my brother came up and already his shirt was drenched in sweat because he had already been outside and he worked the circuit four times around. I figure it was my turn to turn in my circuits around the track. In turned on my iPod set up my basic work and I dove off into the unknown. As I began to warm up by doing some power walking, the Fearless: Zoom Jasari+ Mixed Run (Continuous Mix) pumped into my ears and I can tell you that I was a power walking fool. The stride was fluid and the tempo was at a moderately high level; the burn within the shins was a comforting feeling because I knew I was finally getting the workout I knew I want to get. Six minutes into the power walking that was when I received my cue to start running, now this part is going to sound funny but hey I found it funny when I began to think about it. I tried to pick up the pace to the point where I would be in a fluid jog and the legs just felt a so darn heavy. It was as if the legs had other plans and I was not sent the memo. I felt disgusted once again but I remembered that I had a secret weapon and I knew if I couldn’t run I could stamp out a pretty vicious tempo to my power song. I hit the center button of my iPod mini and the growling scream of  “I am Iron Man” got the heart pumping even more I was energized to thrash my quads with a power walking session that would flood lactic acid into them. Needing a power boost like a gallon of Red Bull however a little less harmful I hit the center button for my power song, which is Black Sabbath’s Iron Man (Black Sabbath are you kidding me! Heavy Metal this early in the morning! Get Real! Heck it works for me.) And it is not the wimpy version I have the 7 minute live version. I can say the burn in the quads was not as bad as I thought it was going to be but that it hindsight. After power walking to the end of the song, I knew I had to do a cool down session and I have the perfect music for it since it was Sunday. I had to pause to select the music so I decided to end this workout and begin a new one with the cool down music and the Benedictine Monk of Santo Domingo de Silo chanted out the Rorate Cali Desuper Mode I, followed by Invitational Antiphon. Christus Natus Est Nobis and Psalm 94, 1-2. Mode IV. As I walked I considered a lot of things and none of them dealt with what I had to do and the “great world issues” for first I had a sense of clarity in what I was trying to achieve through my struggles. Through exercise we find out what we are made of the physical strain of pushing up massive amounts of weight or running for long distances, however what is usually left unsaid is how mentally tough are you. We see the great athletes that ride in the Tour de France and run the NYC Marathon and we want to know why they do? Why suffer going up a mountain to know that you will not finish first or run 26 miles to finish in 125^th place? It is through these struggles a grace is given to you to keep on going; to achieve something that you never thought you can do. Through burning lungs and torched to heck legs that feel like rubber when you are done you know that you have done it. You broke through that wall of doubt that everyone has. Can I go that last mile? Can I turn this gear? Can I take that step? The answer is deep within you and I answered my call and said “Heck yeah I can take that one more step!” Through the grace of God goes I, it has been a saying that I have been hearing for the longest and never knew what it meant until now. Without him I am nothing, yet with him all this are possible. Keep on foot in front of the other and keep on running or walking, whatever you prefer.

 

 22 June 2008, 8:22

Distance: 1.46 miles

Time: 26:10

Pace: 17:48 min / mile

Flaming Lungs aren't cool

A journey into self discovery via lungs on fire and a spare tire that would make the moon seem small. If this visual doesn’t give you a clue on what my first run was like nothing will. I have to say that I have been a slave to excuses dealing with my fitness because I have made promises or half hearted attempts to get into shape to never going all of the way that was until today well this morning at 6:45 in the morning where my eldest brother gave me a call to go out jogging. I been half asleep and always game for anything said sure thinking what is the worse that can happen. It is amazing when people think that to themselves they never truly want the answer because the reality is that the worse thing that can happen is the truth comes and smacks them in the face. Reality is one of those things in which you face the truth about yourself and there is no running from it; needless to say I ran into the unknown fearing what the truth might bring. As bold a newbie wanting to prove one’s metal in battle I grabbed my iPod loaded up the Nike Plus workout songs and went out there to prove to myself that I was not a wimp in the face of a challenge. I began my stretching and I could feel my muscles wondering the heck is this fool doing? Doesn’t he know that he have been long dormant like Mt. Rainier, I pushed on not listening to the warning sounds of doubt. My brother greeted me with a smile and told me that he has done several circuits of the inner field. I can see on his face through the sweat that pushing reality was going to be a hard fight however with me down there he would have company in this fight.  Now this part goes like a blur so please bear with me on it, I began to motor myself down that stretch of the track not knowing how the body with react to the fact that mentally I want to jog for my health and the body truly wanted to be in bed and I forced it to face itself. I began to jog … the legs moved like they did in high school nice and fluid the music set a nice tempo for me to follow and I was feeling wonderful that was until all heck broke lose; the alarm bells started sound in my head that my lungs were on fire and the air was getting tight very tight. What the heck was happening to me? I can tell you what was happening to me I ran head long into the face of reality. I was grossly out of shape I could not make it a quarter of a way around the track without my body wanting to freak out. I was totally ashamed of what was happening to me. How could it get this bad, was the thought that ran through my head? That was an easy question for me to answer I made numerous half hearted attempts to get myself into shape and yet all of the time I found myself getting bored with it. Needless to say that I took two rest stops but I was determined to get a mile in no matter the cost. I can say that I will not ever get confused with the great Kenyan marathon runners but I was able to get my mile in through fits and starts, walking, power striding and through just shear pride not allowing me to fail at my goal. I saw that my brother was sitting down after his fits and starts we began to talk and I realize that the weather was absolutely wonderful out the sun had that beautiful dawn glow the birds were chirping and doing what nature tells them to do. I can say that I wanted to do this again (this running thing). I saw the strange beautiful in having your feet hit the ground in a rhythm in a mystical time that only runners can understand. I didn’t get to that place in nirvana where the well seasoned runners go where all of the burdens of the world just fall all away, but I have experience that dark place where Paula Radcliffe was during the Olympics in Athens where the body just want to quit. From the first time runners prospective I began to learn about myself for the first time, where am I going to go? What am I going to do? Who am I going to become? I have set several goals for myself and I will reveal them in time however this journey to self discovery started with a phone and a smack by reality. I can never say that I wasn’t given the chance to see how great I can become. I know that several things in my life I can not change but I know that no one goes through life without a cross on their shoulders. I am blessed to know that it is not too late to make changes for the better.

 

21 June 2008, 7:04

Distance: 1.13 miles

Time: 18:36

Pace: 16:20 min / mile